Dearest 20 year old me:

*Before I start – I know that there are a whole heap of other things that have happened in the past couple of weeks that probably warrant more of my time, but I’m also trying to teach myself that self-care is important too, no matter what else is going on.

I’m not going to lie. This is going to be the worst year of your life. But it is also going to be one of the best. You will feel confused, betrayed, angry, and upset. There will be days where you will find it almost impossible to get out of bed, slap a smile on your face, and go to work. You will feel the worst you have felt in many, many years. But this will also be the kick you need to get the help you need, to be able to rebuild your life on your own terms. It feels like hell now, but trust me, you will look back on this time and have very few regrets.

You will re-learn how to do almost everything, and some days it will be fucking horrible. I know you will keep telling yourself that everything is going to be okay – because for you, it has to be, even if you don’t necessarily believe it. I am here to tell you that it will be okay. I know, because I am here, typing this out in my own apartment.

You will get new jobs, and meet the most gorgeous people. You will traverse the weird and wacky world of makeup, and spend way too much money in Mecca stores. You will write a fucking fabulous essay in your final semester of your degree, and you will graduate. You will adopt the most gorgeous cat, even if she is really keen on biting you every so often. You will be way too keen to start your Honours thesis, and you will learn how to really enjoy writing again, without all that ridiculous pressure you piled on yourself. You will embrace your sexuality, and you will have a whole pile of fun along the way.

It’s been exactly a year since it all happened, and you will still be able to remember every single detail, clear as day. And you will get the answer you deserve. It mightn’t be the answer you want, and it won’t be delivered by the person who should have delivered it, but you will get it, I promise. It will make you angry, and rightly so – but it won’t be the end of your world, because you don’t need him any more. You have bigger and better things to do, and bigger and better things to be. So chin up, buttercup – and now go out there and be amazing.

Love,
21-year-old-Yen-Rong

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